Behind the Scenes of an Epic Transformation

Full Episode Transcript:

Behind the Scenes of an Epic Transformation

I have something so special for you guys today. I’m super excited to share one of my client’s journeys with you. So this is the very first time I’ve shared an interview style on this podcast. So I’m really excited to share this interview with you. Tina and I’ve been working together for a year.

And, we go really, really deep. And I think that’s what I’m excited about because, you know, when we’re talking about healing the deeper reasons why you might reach for food to cope or reach for booze to cope, right? When we’re talking about a sustainable weight loss journey, sometimes it can feel really esoteric because I’m not sitting here saying, well, if you eat this exact food, and if you exercise this much, then you should follow and then you’re going to lose two pounds a week.

It just doesn’t work that way. The nuanced process of coaching,  at this level to really untangle overeating, stress eating, or all of these other reasons. They’re emotional. They have to do with old unresolved trauma. It has to do with just like big emotional experiences, all of these things.

And so this conversation is very special. It’s like you’re getting kind of the, you get to be a fly on the wall,  and really hear and learn about what it’s like to go through coaching and have this commitment to feeling and sensing what it is like to have true body freedom, where you feel energized, where you feel like you’re of ideal size and what it actually takes to get there.

So without further ado, I am excited to introduce you. We just kind of dive right in as we always do. So you’ll hear right away. We’ll just get started. And the only other thing I will say is that the recording sometimes feels a little jumbly.  I don’t know if there’s a better word to say it. 

Especially towards the beginning, it’ll feel like maybe a word skipped or something like that. And I don’t quite know why, but I think that You are just going to get so much out of this conversation that it’ll be worth it,  it’ll sound a little like silence for one little part or a little wobbly.

So just know that that is going to be a part of the experience, but what you’re really going to feel, I think, is a lot of hope that, Oh my gosh, this is exciting, that there is a whole other way. That I can be in relationship with food and my body in a way that feels good in a way that truly does exemplify what the name of my company is, which is hello, body freedom.

So without further ado, please enjoy. If you have been thinking about coaching or what it really means to take a step into this direction of, of self care, really getting this handled maybe, for the first time in your life, then you are going to freaking love this. All right, I’ll see you there. 

Because I was at water skiing the other day. So fun, beautiful at the end of the day. And, um,  and I.  25 pounds. So  I like pop up out of the water, you know,  but I popped up out of the water and I was like,  it’s working, you know, flying back and forth, big smile on the face and everything. 

And I was like, my heart, my heart was full of gratitude because I was like…

I just love your journey. Just love where you’re at. I love my journey. I love my journey as you should. You love my journey, my journey, and you know, not, you haven’t asked me some of these questions, but some of my answers are involved in some of these things. But well, we’ll, we’ll dive in when you’re ready.

Okay. 

You tell me.  We could go all sorts of directions. But ultimately, you reached out to me for a reason and that’s like the first piece like there’s there’s something going on that wasn’t quite right and what I love about your journey in particular is that there was a very specific reason for saying yes, and then as we kept moving through the process, things just really started shifting in terms of focal point and,, if we would have led with that, yeah.

It would have never, it would have never worked so, so I think it’s important to start from the beginning, which is, I feel like you joined my challenge that I did, like my five-day challenge and you ended up, you ended up in my sphere, 

For the first time in, I mean, what?  Not 20 years, like maybe 10 years or well,  I was in seminary in 2012,  but I was training, you know, before then.

So it’s a good 15 years.  

I was already doing like eating psychology stuff back then. But I just wasn’t as nearly skilled  since you and I have been working together.   Fast forward, 15 years. Yes. We have completely lost touch. I have not talked to you in forever. I’m not even sure how you ended up back in my sphere, maybe we had been Facebook friends since forever. I don’t know. Yes.  And I’m running this challenge.

Yeah. Okay. I’m running the challenge and you end up in my challenge. I wonder like what made you even be interested in the stuff I was talking about? Like what was going on? Well, hello body freedom was,  first off the, the new, the, the name of the company was like, in my mind, I’m like, Oh my God, I would love to have freedom with my body.

I do not have that, you know, right now. And I would love to learn. how to create that. So it caught my attention that way.  And I have had, I’m 60, and so I’ve had a lifelong, ever since some of my earliest memories,   I’ve had a lifelong,   struggle with my body. You know,   I was always a bigger kid, being one of the bigger kids in my class, not necessarily huge or anything, but,  stronger an athlete since I was a little kid, you know, always played around sports teams and things like that.

I did not have a relationship with myself. I was, felt like I was always kind of, fighting with myself,  internally about not fitting in physically with my friends, in my clothes,  through grammar school, my uniforms, you know,  as well as playing on teams and things like that. So I always had,  I always had  , a struggle in terms of that internal conversation with my body. 

And so the name of the company, Hello Body Freedom, was attractive to me. I would like, I would love to be able to create that for myself. And then it’s Audra, who I’ve always, you know, always enjoyed . So I was like, and it was free.  And so I’m like, yeah. I would really like to be able to do that.

I’d just gone through, I’d just gone through major upheaval in my life. I’d just moved from, um, Northern California where I’d lived for more than 30 years. I’d just left a relationship of 10 years. And I was literally in a, in a, a start over. Kind of period in time of my life, and I was like, Oh, my God in in some sense.

It felt like another cycle same cycle and  I didn’t I didn’t I wanted to change the trajectory that I was on and for me it’s like, Oh God, I’ve got the same 25, 30 pounds back on again. Right. When you say cycle, yeah. When you say cycle, it’s like I’m feeling this upheaval of my life and I’m feeling things not working.

And here we go again with the food and the weight coming back on after working so hard to get it off, which that’s another piece.  Yes. Um, that we can talk about as well. 

So the cycle, the cycle was the same cycle that I had been in for the majority of my life. And I’m just like, I’m,  you know, if I, if the promise is freedom from that, then  I, you know, I know I can get myself to this place, which is 30 pounds up, not training,  drinking, you know, to take the edge off or eating.

To take the edge off that that was really something that I needed to do and I, and I knew that I didn’t know how to do that by myself because I kept ending up in the same place and I didn’t like it. Yes. And, and then even before we met whenever you were able to quote unquote, get it handled I think this was a big piece.

That whenever we started working together was like, you were like hardcore into precision nutrition, which precision nutrition is a very like science based way of eating. , but even before precision nutrition, whatever was before that. And then there was always a sense of, well, I know how to do this.

It is to really control my food and then get my ass moving again. 

And I know that that was,   what I’m remembering is that it’s kind of like, look, I’ll do whatever. And also this feels really wobbly because it’s so ingrained in us to go,  um,  Oh my gosh, if I just have the exact thing, then I’ll feel comfortable that I’m in control.

Well, I think what I was saying is that because in the past, I’ve typically will get to a point where I will put myself into a program and the program is precision nutrition, you know, or something where there’s intense measurement focused,  scientifically based, all of those things, you know, it was a year long program intensity.

You’re measuring your food, you’re measuring your, activity output, intense training. I did really, really well in those programs because.  You know, you, you, you sign up, you do, you do the things they tell you to do.  You do the things that they tell you to do. You follow that, you know, it’s, it’s intense, you know, did it for a year.

Fantastic. And as the year ended almost immediately,  you know, stuff starts to come back on. Right. And that’s where I, you know, and I always talk about like toxic diet culture. And, and, but the truth is precision nutrition is science-based. It’s like very, like, let’s learn how to do this. But at the end of the day,  like we weren’t born to have to measure everything.

Whenever we came out of our mom, you didn’t cut the measuring cup where she had to measure how much breast milk that you got, like, it’s just, it’s just so  not a very natural way to eat food and we’re not sure what to do with the food because our body’s not where it wants to be and then we learned that measuring and being. 

Very specific and exact and following this exact protocol is the way.  Um,  it might be a way to like,  get yourself to a certain physique or level, but it doesn’t really teach how do you just live your life and still be in a body that you love, right? Um, I’m just going back to like,  I’ve done Weight Watchers, I’ve done Atkins, I’ve done all of it, you know, at different times and the thing that was happening along the way in every single part of my life is, you know, losing a job, getting into a fight with my spouse at the time, it was going to a paty, it was, you know, going on vacation and it was doing all of these different things that it’s like, there was no,  no way to navigate those things.

What’s so appealing about body freedom, which is the program that I got involved with you in is,  That was like, I’ve never had that in my life,  you know, I go to the extreme, you know, in terms of inserting myself into a program, but freedom never was part of the picture,  freedom from that, nothing, because you’re not being freed from anything, you’re being, you know, really closely tied to somebody else’s program.

Yeah, so that was a reason also why, you know, why.  Why are you why at that time? Um,  i’m like wow, I’ve never had that never done that never had that So we start working together and we’re coaching and you are Taking it all in And we’re starting with some super basic stuff. Wait till you’re hungry. Stop at nothing to eat.

Exactly. Exactly. You’re like, wait, what? And I remember at the beginning as we’re trying to navigate all this. And so we’re navigating learning how to feel what you’re feeling. So how do we navigate emotions? Right. And you came up, you coined, um, significant emotional experiences, which I now use in all of coaching.

I use those exact words and phrases, and I tell people to get a calendar out and write down significant emotional experiences as a way to help people understand the tie-ins between something going on inward at interval that is, that includes over, you know, going out the other way. So you’re making all those connections.

It’s a little wobbly or a lot wobbly.  I remember you’re like, you know what,  I’m gonna go get a a, a food delivery service. That way I know exactly the right amount that I’m eating. I know exactly right. Do you remember that? Yeah. And how factor it factor and remember how, like, like what it did for you? Like in terms of I feel okay.

I feel more in control. Okay. Now I know. I feel control. I feel relief.  Now I know I’m not overeating. Right. If I do this thing, it’s all taken care of. I don’t have to think about anything else. Yes.  Oh yeah. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. And you know, anybody that comes into coaching knows that this is never about making behaviors that you choose or don’t choose to do, right or wrong.

It’s about having a conversation and going deeper, and I wonder what that is about. Right? Yeah. 

And you know.  It was pretty funny because once the, once you and I had the conversation about, it was just another way of me doing this thing that I’d always done. Yeah. So in the past I was like, Oh God.  And it was, it was kind of like a slap in the face of like, Oh, this is what I, this is what I do. So it’s another, it was just another, I keep talking about this.

It’s another circle, me doing the same thing in a different way. And I wouldn’t have been able to see that by myself, you know, and I told you what I’m doing. And you’re like, okay, so let’s talk about that for a little bit. Oh,  so very. Yeah. Illuminating. And that’s also about this because it’s so illuminating. 

Just one like, Oh, Oh this, Oh my gosh. And we just go deeper and deeper for sure. Yeah. Uh, so that was also towards the beginning. So I’m wondering if you can remember maybe towards the beginning or maybe middle, I’m not sure where,  where it, um, felt like uncomfortable or maybe this isn’t really working or I keep getting stuck somewhere.

Um, I don’t know, like, is there anything that comes up? So the, the wonderful thing about HelloBot Freedom, ,  is that you have such a vast body of information, um, libraries and, um, weeks of, um, Things to try on and different roads to travel down.

Um, is it for myself as well as audio sessions that you can listen to? I was doing all of those things, but I was also, I was also going,  huh? Because still that part of my personality, that’s like, I would like to create more of a, um, uh, I’m going to use the word container. I’d like to create more,  um, intimacy for myself.

Um, in terms of navigating a path forward, you know, navigating a path for myself. And that’s how the, how it came up for me is that I wanted to, um,  I wanted to know that I had my back. I didn’t want to give that power to anybody else. I didn’t want to give it to a program. I didn’t want to sign up for yet another thing.

I really wanted to go. I want to hear my own voice. I want to know what’s happening with me. And I want to be able to learn more about that. Yeah. And I think that,  you are right because not, there’s not like one exact straight narrow road for every single person, right? Everybody’s in a different place dealing with different things.

And when I say dealing with different things, I’m talking about nervous system dysregulation, why it’s there, where it came from, why does it keep showing up? Right. It’s, it’s, it’s going to be a little different. And what you’re saying is like, Oh my gosh, I’m consuming and consuming all this information.

I’m going down different roads. Audra is showing me. And, and that, that can also be a trap is what you’re saying, where it’s kind of like, okay, wait a second.  I want to really hone in and go, what, what are the things that I need specifically? What is my path? How do I get to that space? Yes. Right. And to your point, it’s like, I didn’t even know what nervous nervous system dysregulation was.

Yeah, I just knew that I’m like, Oh, I felt this way before,  you know, that’s what I knew. I’m like, I felt this way before.  I don’t like feeling this way. Yeah,  I don’t know what to do about it.  I love that because when, when people come into HelloBodyFreedom, like, you’re not, you’re not sitting here talking to me going Audra, please make this nervous system dysregulation go away.

That’s not what people are saying. Right? What people are going is like, here I am in the same cycle. I’ve done a year of precision nutrition. Then life just happened. And now I’m back to where I started. I am so sick of the cycle. Freedom is exactly what I want. How the hell do I get to the other side? And you know that there’s a component that has to do with relationship with food.

I know there’s a component that has to do with food, has to do with inner attunement and connection more to your body. Like to your point, I got me right. That, that, that sense of like, how do I have my back instead of sabotage myself all the time? Right. Yeah.  And, uh,  but it’s not like the answers to that have to do with, Better interconnection, communication, what it means to work at a nervous system level and at an emotional level.

But that’s not what you come for. That’s no idea that that’s what I was coming for. No idea that I was coming forward, didn’t have a vocabulary for it, didn’t have a train of thought for it, didn’t have an awareness of it. Right. And I think it in your coaching calls, because there’s some of them where you.

You know, you can hear, listen to other people talk about what their week was like or what they’re working on and stuff like that. And typically, you hear somebody say, you know, oh I went to brunch with my mom and my sister-in-law and I ended up eating the entire buffet or something. You know, something like that.

And so you hear something like that. And I’m like, Oh God, I’ve done that before. Right. Or it’s like, you go, and, but the other part of that, that nobody talks about it is you go,  Oh, is your sister-in-law a bitch or is your mom something, you know, there’s,  there’s this natural curiosity that nobody talks about.

It was like, what happened at brunch? Yeah.  And what was going on in you? Yeah. Like what happens when, when you go to a place that’s like, All you can eat. Like, maybe it has nothing to do with the mom and the sister, but it has to do with like, what the heck is going on inside of my own body that there’s not even a connection to, right?

Nothing. Nothing. And then it’s like, and as you sit there and you listen to people, you identify with them because you’re like, I’ve had that feeling before. I’ve had that excitement before. I’ve had that like, I’m going to an all you can eat French and bucket list mimosas, you know, whatever. And you get this excitement about it.

You get excitement in your body because it’s all the things that it is, or God, the last time I went to brunch, I ate so much I got sick after or something. There’s just something, you know, that everybody, as you’re listening to a phone call with a group of people,  you have a bunch of feelings that come up that have been a part of your own experience or have been a part of my own experience in the past.

And you go, Oh, I can totally identify with that. I can completely identify with that and it’s not so much about what I’ve learned is it’s not so much about that other person is being able to identify those feelings that come up for me and,  you know, identifying with that situation that somebody else went through that I go,  Oh, I know how that feels. 

I know how that feels. I know how exciting that gets. I know how nervous I got and you can feel it in your body. And so that was kind of the beginning. Oh, I can feel. I know what that feels like. I can identify with that other person. And then it really turned more into, Oh, I need to learn more about this for me. 

It really turns into a much more intimate conversation in terms of, I think what you’re, I think what we’re starting to talk about is that I started to recognize. It’s like, oh, there’s a lot of situations that happen that I have some sort of a response or reaction to. And for me, that meant that I turned into overeating or overdrinking or whatever.

That creates this whole cycle of events that ended up with me just not, I felt, felt out of control.   I’m like, I was like watching myself going, why do you do this? Why am I doing this? Why? And that’s what people like to say that everybody likes to have, they have the question why and then we like cognitively want to understand the answer, understand the answer.

And so we can talk all day about why and understand the answer and where that comes from. But at the end of the day, all that matters is in that moment. Right. Having the skill sets to be able to have, self awareness to understand what’s going on in the body, the intensity level, and then having the skill sets to be able to, pull it apart to decrease the intensity or to be, have the intensity high and still not use the food or the booze.

Right. It’s both, both are the choices, which I wanted to feel the answer. I wanted to feel the answer because I could feel.  Many, many times I wanted to, I could identify a feeling, you know, because I’m like, Oh, I feel off. I feel weird. I feel,  I feel, um,  oppressed or whatever. I feel numb. And I’m like,  I, it was always like, why? 

And so the, it created the, the pause between the, I’m feeling this intensity. There’s a pause that I needed to develop that skillset around so that in that, in those moments I could choose to do something different if I want it. And that’s where freedom comes in for me. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. That you have the choice.

That you actually don’t have to eat the food if you don’t want to. That you don’t have to have the drink if you don’t want to. Or that you are hyper-aware of, you know what, I’m actually going to have this drink. Or I am going to eat this thing, right, and have skill sets around how to work that. Which is so, so different than the sense of, oh my god, here I am at brunch again and I just overdid it again, right?

I just blew it. You know, I just blew it. I just done, I did the whole week. I just, you know, this, I did that, whatever. And then the whole mental beatdown, you do it to yourself. I was doing, I have done it to myself my entire life. So,  yeah, well, I want to change it over because I’m also as we’re moving along in our time together.

You, uh,  ended up getting into a relationship and it was, and you are still beautiful, but like it was, it’s very exciting and I remember what it did for you, uh, was create a remembrance of incredible negative body image. So all of a sudden, like the insecurity of, Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, like she’s so, she’s smaller than me or they’re like all of these things that I think that I can relate to that all women can relate to just as intent, which is not body freedom by any means.

No. So it’s not just about the food and it’s not just about learning how to feel what we’re feeling. All of a sudden we’re going through this whole phase of how do I work with this intensity that comes up. Yes. When, I remember you were like, I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I would see myself next to my, my partner, and then all of a sudden it was like, boom, trigger happens.

Do you remember that? Huge. Yeah. Huge. Oh, yeah. I would not be in the relationship that I’m in today had we not been working together on all of those, all of those things, all of those things.  You, you really, I mean, we don’t talk so much about that particular phase cause like you moved through that one. Um,  really powerfully, you really committed to the exercises that I asked you to do.

I’m like, okay, remember when you’re on a date with her, you know, this, this is what you’re going to do. If you happen to get triggered or something happens, here’s the conversation that you’re going to have. Here’s the, right. It’s all this stuff that you did on the inside that, that she didn’t even know, right?

What you were doing at this point, because it was so new in the relationship. You’re not having those conversations with her yet. And then, but that you were so committed. To really getting to the other side of that, and I want to be really clear that doesn’t mean that that it’s like, oh, I have like all the body confidence all the time.

I think that that’s no,  no, no, but it’s that you’re, you were so willing to do the work to get to a place of being able to recognize again, that inner experience. And then instead of like your main goal at the very beginning of this was I got me. I want to know that no matter what I got me. And so in this particular scenario of body image and body confidence, like to not have you is to beat yourself up, shame yourself, right?

All of these things. But you like with this commitment of, nope, I got me, I’m going to respect, I’m going to, I’m going to work on, well, regulating the nervous system back down. I can get to a place of honor, respect all the things. And you kind of knock that out of the park pretty quick. Right. Well, I, um, it’s very easy for me to be compassionate with other people.

Right. Yeah. And to be understanding and compassionate with other people in terms of the experience that they’ve, they’re having. So outward, like sisters, friends,  partners, whoever, business partners, whoever, very easy for me to be compassionate with them. And I, what I found is, oh my God, I have no compassion.

For myself, which to me, when that was astonishing and I had finished a long term relationship of 10 years with someone that was emotionally not very kind and not very nice.  And, um, and I kept asking, like, why is this happening like this? Why am I being spoken to like this? Why am I being shamed? Why am I being, this feels terrible.

And it was somebody else doing that for me.  I realized I had no compassion for myself, you know, in that. And so the conversation internally that I was like, Oh my God, that feels really what just happened feels really bad.   And so what in working with you and early on in the process, I was like, I was committed to going. 

Okay.  I want to build that muscle of having that inner conversation with myself, that inner dialogue with myself that I’m so willing to have with other people.  And so I started very early with, for example, in this relationship with someone who I love and adore is that, um, is that  she’s, she, she’s beautiful.

She’s very attractive. She’s very fit. She’s all of these very successful. She’s very kind. She’s very thoughtful.  And  I you know, you have the you have the the traditional what do you what’s this person doing with me? Right that that insecurity that part that the yeah, that’s lacking the confidence not realizing that I had any of those same qualities You know, yeah, there was nothing happening.

And so in my work with you you were able to help me.  To put those building blocks in place where I I realized I can do those things with myself  And and you already are those things with yourself. It’s just a matter of of finding those places and not letting the other parts Like pop in and, and which are just wounded parts.

They’re wounded parts that , that need some love, need attention. Right. Yeah. But if you have no relationship with them and you’re disablery,  then you, how are you going to relate to it? You’re not, you’re not going to heal. You’re not going to relate. You’re not going to change. You’re not going to shift.

No, you’re going to go for the. 20 baskets of tortilla chips and make yourself feel better, right? Because that’s what you’ve learned, right? That you just learned that that’s the thing that’s worked in the past. And so you were so committed to, I have to learn a different way. And part of that was that inner conversation that we worked on, like, and that we continue to work on.

It’s just so powerful. And I’m just curious, like, if you just want to share, like, what is your inner dialogue in terms of being kind to yourself? Like if you can compare it, like where it is now, kindness, softness, So, so, so I think the most important thing is that I almost have an,  an immediate,  thermometer for lack of better words.

It’s like, I’m feeling a little, I’m feeling great. I’m feeling off. I’m feeling stressed. I’m feeling the, the actual. physical feelings of something feels off. I stop and I pay attention to that now.  So, and I really spent,  I really spent some time thinking about it.  And, really, Sinking into what, what is that feeling and where does it reside?

I don’t know how many times in conversations with you where I have said, Oh, I felt this way before. I, I have felt this feeling before. And it’s not,  it’s similar to earlier in my life, or it’s similar to another relationship. It’s similar to another business situation. I have felt this feeling before. So the old, the old adage that, you know, we take whoever we are, uh, With us, wherever we go, 100%, 100 percent true, you know, um, and that, and so for, for me, it was like,  oh, my body has had this response when I have been in this situation with my previous business partner or with somebody else that I was dating, you know, or,  you know, and so that to me was like going, you know, Oh, this is me.

This is 100 percent me.  And so being able to stop, take some moments, use some of the things that I’ve learned with you, like the, , uh, resetting your nervous system quickly in a period of high, , intensity, like intensity to just kind of bring it down. That works temporarily, you know, in the moment. And absolutely need to do that because in the past I would have driven my car out in front of 7 Eleven and pulled up and got some ice cream or some red vines,  you know, and chowed my way through those. 

Right. Yeah. And that’s not a bad thing to do either because it provided comfort, you know, provided.  Yes. And the fact that you can even say that, cause what we normally do is, Oh, I hate that part of me. I hate that part of me. Right. But you have a totally different way of communicating and understanding all these parts.

Okay. So I’ve done that in the past. Absolutely. Um, but like for people to see that this connection, like, I mean, we haven’t talked one ounce about eating protein or, um, balanced plate, right? Like we’re not having that conversation because it’s not that that conversation isn’t important, but it’s not. The root and the foundation that needs the healing, that there is something deeper than, than the amount of protein that you’re eating that really does need to be addressed in a meaningful way.

And that has to do like, we’re sitting here talking about relationship. We’re sitting here talking about jobs. We’re here to see about like experiences. Right. And then, and, and we’re sitting here talking about, Oh my God, this is so familiar. I’m familiar with this feeling now because I’m so paying attention to it.

That this didn’t just happen today. This has happened since I was four or since I was 24. Right. Yeah, and then to make those connections to, Oh, well, yeah, like, and then the connection to the overeating of food. Yes. Like you could do precision nutrition for the rest of your life and this will never be solved and you will wonder why you keep staying stuck in your body.

Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. That’s why it’s so profound really.  Because, And now it’s like I’m,  you become an observer and a participant in your own life, in your own experience. And so the intensity blossoms, which is really cool, you know, and, um, I think it’s really cool,  especially on the good things, you know, um, and I’m actually learning to how to even like expand how things feel really good, you know, which is also happy and to be super joyful, you know, and it’s like,  because I, I, in my work with you, it’s like, Oh, my nervous system isn’t used to this much. 

Good. That much. Good.  Yes, you know, so for me, it’s like,  it’s the, it’s the most wonderful thing about life really, and being alive because it’s like being alive. And I get to share it with other people that I care about. So there’s more of me showing up and  I have access to more of myself.

And that means I have more access to other people and have more energy for other people, which is really, really lovely.  I also love that you did all this work at 60. I really do. Yes. So.  Which is, you know, I was laughing about that this morning because we were talking about, you know, when we were 20, even 30, and it’s like, oh, my God, we thought 60 was so old.

Right? Totally. Yeah. And I’m going to turn 61  in about a week and a half here. And, and it’s,  and I was playing pickleball the other morning with a kid. Well, kid, he’s maybe late 20s.  And he’s like, I said, and we kicked his butt, but he said, um, he goes, I go, yeah, not bad for a 60 year old. And he looked at me and he’s like, what?

I go, not bad for a 60 year old. And he goes, you are not. And I go, oh, yeah, I am. And I just kicked your butt, you know, kind of thing. 

I feel more, alive, at this age, I don’t, I feel like my life has taken on multi, multi colors. It’s not monochrome. Right. Anymore. And so, that’s, that’s, that’s what’s been amazing about this whole,  whole journey with you. And I would not have happened had I just stayed in the general population in terms of your programs.

I think I would have still had success. Yeah. But one on one coaching really is like when you, I think that, cause you are right. Cause I have, I have like, uh, I’ve like my VIP coaching where it’s me and also my other coaches. Um, but you’re like, no, we’re going to. We’re just going to work together. You and me, let’s just, let’s just knock this out.

And there’s some, and, and. With one on one coaching with me, it’s six month increments, but I always recommend a year because a year everything happens. Like every, every birthday, every holiday ups and downs and everything. Right. We can really get up. And remember right when we got to the six month part where, where there was still like, you know, cause it’s, we take it every six months.

You can say, you know what, I’m out. And, but you like, you, you know, there was a moment where we, we had a few weeks where we didn’t connect. Yeah, but there was when we finally connected there was inside of you there was like no no no this is work I feel like we’ve maybe just scratched the surface. I am in this for the year.

We had and we had You’re like what we did in the last half was just  Mind blowing just kept going deeper and deeper. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And so the consistency of, I mean, the simple question of how’s your week, you know, what’s going on, what’s coming up and it’s, and it’s, really kind of profound to go over some of the situations because that’s when you, that’s when I discovered some of the, the instances where, you know, I would in the past go down a rabbit trail, you know, and go unconscious, you know, for a little bit because I was seeking comfort.  And the things that I had so little tools on what that meant. 

You know, for me, and in the past it had been food, it had been alcohol,  but they were, it’s almost like things that make time stand still.  Yeah. That’s a weird thing to say, but it’s like, it kept, it, they keep things the same rather than kept things the same in my life, which   for me,  Outwardly, that means, that meant weight, gain, right, right, that’s the thing.

It’s like whatever our, I hate to say drug of choice, but like drug of choice, right? Like if it’s calorically dense, like alcohol and food, right? Yeah. And that’s the thing that we’re using to handle emotions or handle nervous system dysregulation because that’s what we learned and we don’t do the work to untangle that.

Yeah. Then it doesn’t matter how healthy that you’re eating, right? Yeah. I would also say that the very basic, one of the basic things that your program starts out with, and this is just for everybody, very easy and very,  incredible lesson to learn is to just, just starting with, are you hungry? You know, it’s so simple, right?

So simple, but it’s like, am I hungry? And I asked myself, you know, it’s, it’s such an easy question to ask. It’s like, because you,  it’s like, my body’s not physically, my body’s not physically hungry. So why am I eating? Right.  And if I’m eating,  why? Yeah, let’s pull it apart. In a gentle, sweet, loving way that’s non judgmental, non shamey.

So sometimes we have to work on that. Get rid of the judge, get rid of the shame, things like that. Yeah. And, and you are right. It is where everybody starts. It’s usually when I run a challenge, it’s always what I teach on day one. And I can’t believe how many people are like, That just blew my mind, like such a, such a very simple first thing.

Um, and then the other things happen,  you know, after that, but it’s like, am I hungry? No, I’m not. Well then what’s, what’s going on?  Yeah. And so here we are, we spent this epic, epic year together going deep, going deep, going deep. And, and I think that it’s also, I want to like, just honor the commitment that, cause you were like, I am doing this all the way through for a year.

And there were moments where we both kind of like, uh, not for very long, but we’re like, we missed a few times or sessions but then we always got back in like, Nope, we’re doing this, we’re doing this.   And like you said every week there were weeks I remember you saying like,  like, I don’t know what the hell we’re going to talk about.

And then sometimes like the most profound shit would come up. It’s so crazy, you know, because the thing is, is that It’s a journal, you know, it’s a consistent journal entry of life, of my life that, I think you’re, you know, my, all my brothers and sisters names at this point, you know, my dog, you know,  you know, I like cycling, you know, that I had my friends in town for a winemakers dinner.

And,  you know, which was funny because, that that’s also part of the program is that you get. You share life with somebody in a very intimate way in which just taking the example of having my friends into town I wanted to spend some more time with my friends, you know, I miss them.

So I invited them all into town and, it was actually around a food and wine event. You know, I was, I was going to say like you are living your life with friends, with family, with loved ones.  With holidays and everything and you are having food and wine events, you are having, um, epic, like, Palm Springs, famous actor event, like, parties, film festivals, crazy, yeah, you were, right, I mean,  You are flying to, to, to Europe for, wasn’t it for a wedding? 

Uh, yeah. Yeah. And remember, there’s a, so there’s a whole conversation around food around that. There’s like, it is, it’s, it’s not like you’re sitting here giving up your life trying to like be perfect with your food. You are literally having all of this inner healing. So all of these other pieces, go ahead with the, with the, with the winemakers thing, like, like, How was that?

How was, how were, how was the body? How was the behavior around food? Like,  it was, it was a beautiful evening, you know, and I was so happy because, I wanted time with my friends. And so,  , it wasn’t about the food that evening and it wasn’t about the wine at all. There it is. There it is.

It was about spending time with them and talking. But if food and alcohol is the thing that you use to make yourself feel better, if your intensity is too high, then you can’t help but it be on that, right? Until we untangle that, right? So your complete shift of, of course there was food there. Did you enjoy the food? 

Was it delicious? It was good, but it wasn’t like, it was funny because one of the meals, it’s like, I literally sitting there going, I don’t really like this, having a taste and I’m like, don’t really like this.  And that was good. I tasted it. And it’s sat there. I’m the last person to finish my meal these days, and I don’t eat the whole plate.

Yeah. I’m literally,  like, okay, I’m good. And it’s, it’s, The, the level of, of the internal conversation of, I’m good, I’m not hungry, I’m not full, I’m not anything, I’m, I’m good. And that to me is amazing.  Amazing. And so we hardly talked about weight very often.  We would go into it at different points.

Um, and yeah, but towards the end. It would be like, Oh, yeah. Do you have any information? Because I would forget to ask about it at this phase. And it’s a little different with different clients, depending on, you know, what we have levels of where we need to get to. But by the time we moved through this year, you’re like, you would always start like, you know, maybe every other session.

Yeah, the weight just keeps ticking down. I’m not really, I’m just noticing it.  , it was less of a intense focus and more of a, I am living my life the way I want to live my life in connection to how I am feeling in my body and connection to hunger and enough. Right. And, and from a standpoint of, uh, even moving your body.

So we talked about like, like taking, um, coop out for walks, going to the beach, like,  I don’t know, it was just, it was as if you were building this new life in a way. That felt good for you. That includes connection to food as it should. That included, uh, moving your body in a way that Was not a pushing yourself to force it, but in a way that felt really pulling.

And we talked about that and that has just kind of,  uh, organically transpired, which I’ll say doesn’t happen for everybody, but because you have such a background in moving your body, like, do you know what I mean? And even though you and I both know what it’s like to go through cycles where you just don’t do it and then you get back into it, We were very intentional of like, no, this will happen organically.

We’re not going to force ourselves. We’ll, we’ll be curious about it, which is different than judging ourselves for not doing it. Right. Yes. And then that’s exactly what magically happened. Right. And so now after, after the year, cause I think I’m down like 30 pounds between 25  and 30 pounds.  And it didn’t really start happening until the end of the year, or the, the, the last six months.

Right. And the thing is, is that I started going, I want to feel better. All of this is connected to how do I feel. Yes, and I want to feel better and I’d gone through periods of feeling better in the past But they’re also so connected to intensity. It’s like I gotta go to the gym four days, you know Got to be lifting weights got to be doing aerobics got to be I’ve got an epic ride coming up or something like that Yeah, and the intensity, you know involved in it, but this is this is a much  more gentle Curiosity, I was like I want to feel better  But to feel better and so and I do feel and I’m like, okay, and how do you how do you feel better?

I feel better when I do these things and at this point in my life, it’s like I feel better  I want to do something that’s not as intense but something that I enjoy  That brings me joy that helps me continue to move,  you know, and I’ve decided what those things are  I’m not going to the internet for the internet to tell me what they are You know, and I’m not reading it in the magazine to tell me what they are It’s like I’m I’ve decided what they are and it’s something that I’m like, I enjoyed I enjoy doing this  If it’s walking, on the beach at sunset with my dog,  you know, for to get an, Oh, by the way, that means that I get an extra, you know, 6, steps in,  you know, the mechanics are the back part of it. 

 I’m not like, Oh my God, I got to get 6, 000, 7, 000 steps in. I was going, I’m going to take my dog to the beach. We’re going to go for a walk at sunset.  I like that to signify the end of my day. It’s different than having a cocktail,  you know, and then out of curiosity, I’m like, Oh, I wonder how many steps that was.

I’m like, Oh, look at that.  Interesting. Look at me go. Yeah.  So it’s like, what do I, what do I enjoy? What, what I want to go out and spend more time with my friends. They enjoy playing pickleball. I’m going to make time to play pickleball with them on, on, Friday morning for two hours or an hour and a half.

And oh, by the way, when I look at my Apple watch, that’s that I, you know, I closed my rings for the day and it was fun. I got to spend time with my friends. I got to laugh with them. I got to tease them and I was moving. Right. Yeah. Love it. When I go out to dinner, it’s like, do I have a glass of wine or a cocktail?

Yeah. But I don’t have two, three, four. You’re learning, how do I live a life that I want to live? I’m going to go out with my friends. I want to have a cocktail. How do I do that? And still lose 25 to 30 pounds. How do we, right. And, and, and there, there is negotiation around, right.

So if, if the answer for you is, well, I have to have a bowl of ice cream every night and three cocktails. Well, gosh, darn it, my weight’s not changing. Well, then, then there needs to be, okay, well, where are the shifts that we’re willing to play with here? Where, where, what makes the most sense, right? You were able to go, okay, I can figure this part out because this isn’t going to go away.

But how do I work it in a way that really works for me? And you did, I didn’t come up with it. You came up with it  because of your life. Well, I couldn’t have come up with it on my own because it was a result of having conversation with you saying, okay, let’s.  experiment with this.  What do you think might be a way in which we could do that?

So it was a conversation about what I had identified as something that might be an area that I wanted to change.  And, and then we just talked about how easy was that to do and how did it feel?  So epic year. I’m like, I’m sad that our year is up. I want to keep coaching for the rest of my life. Let’s say somebody is listening to this and they’re like on the fence and they’re like, Oh my God, I’ve never heard of anything like, like, what would you, what would you say to them in terms of helping?

I would say that, um, that, that you’re even at a decision point, you know, when you’re looking at doing something, is it inside? You know, That you want to something to change and inside, you know, that you’ve also done things in the past, you know, you’ve done a bunch of different things and inside.

I knew that it wasn’t enough.  And for me now, having gone through this for a year, , we’re hearing big terms like, um, learning how to, to learning how to identify your nervous system. Number one, learning how to identify when you’re triggered. You know, two, and then learning how to regulate them.  Three, are skills that you can’t understand on the internet.

Um, and nobody’s out there that can teach you all of those things, and they are life changing skills. Yeah, and you have to feel it, you have to embody it. That’s what you were saying, like you can’t learn it on the internet. 

And so sometimes when you have those, when you listen to people talk, it’s like,   what would you say, what would you say to somebody is that things show up on your feed and you have a discomfort in your life.

You just, you have some sort of discomfort going on and I don’t know what it is. I certainly had enough of my own and I had the perfect storm of shit that had happened. They know with me and I was like, turning 60, turning 61 and realistically, I’m looking down the next 20, 25 years of my life, and I want them to beat the best years that I can, I can have and create and put together for myself.

And I,  I had some major discomfort and some pain that I wanted to take care of in a better way than I have in the past, in the past 60 years. I just want the best, the next couple of 20, 25 to be the best that I can make it. And I know that after spending that year with you, I will have that.  You already do.

Like it’s just, it’s like blossoming in such a beautiful way. Yeah. Are you getting emotional? Always a little bit. No, and I want to go back though to some other things is because when I have in VIP coaching, when I have had moments of intensity, I’ve been able to pick up the phone and call you and you have called me back and you have talked me through when I’m in those moments of intensity, and you’ve given me some tools like I was up in Palo Alto and, and I was up there to spend some time with some other people.

And because I was able to call you in the middle of that and feel all of that. You gave me some tools that I now use myself.  The breathing, the working with the pillow, all of those things that I was able to. at least get myself from a level 10 down to level, you know, 656,  which enabled me to enjoy the moment that I was in and the people that I was with, rather than the situation that I found myself in. 

And so being able to unlock those things, and work with them and put them in their proper place so that I could be present in my life.  And to be able to do it in the moment because that’s, that’s like when you’re going to get the most powerful transformation when you literally are in it.

Yeah. Yeah. And I have called you outside of the ice cream shop. Yes, and the frozen yogurt shop, you know, and the thing is, is there anything, is there anything wrong with ice cream? No, no wrong with frozen yogurt. That’s not the problem. No, it’s what is going on with me that I have this  intense desire urge desperation to get that in my mouth right now.

That’s the inner work that yeah piece Yes. And to be able to talk to somebody in that moment while that’s going on or soon after that, that’s happening and deconstruct that  is , incredibly healing, incredibly powerful, incredibly,  um, loving and life changing really.  Yeah.  I just love you, Tina Burke.  I love you too, Audra Baker. 

I love all my clients.  I have so just loved this year spending with you. And I try not to get too heady. Um,  the thing is, is that I’ve been fascinated with, um, personal  psychology, personal growth, all of those things my entire life ever since I was a little girl,  but I was always on the outside looking in, even though I was participating.

And this is the first time when I met inside. 100 percent on the inside with myself, looking at the world and interacting with the world myself.  I mean, this is why people go to therapy. It’s like to have that level of, I got me, to have that level of, I’m so grounded, connected, inner attuned is the right, the right word for all those therapists out there.

 And,  you know, there’s a reason why we don’t have that connection. This is from wounds from the past or, you know, trauma and things like that. , but to be able to build that is, it is so, it is the foundation that like, yes, you’ve lost weight. Yes. You have this epic relationship with food that was totally different than measuring everything that includes, you know, dinners out and parties and all the things living your life. 

And, and that is so possible because of this inner attunement and this foundational work. Yes. Just said 100 percent yes to a thousand percent.  Yeah. Thank you.  I want to send all of my, I want to send all of my closest friends to you. I want you to send them all my way. I know, I know. But I mean, to me, it’s like being able to, um, have access to somebody like yourself that has  just so many things that, um, you can draw on that are so helpful.

So many things that are helpful, no matter what’s, what’s happening. I mean, we’ve talked nutrition. We’ve talked.  HRT, we’ve talked internal family systems, we’ve talked, what is it, rapid eye movement, everything. We’ve talked tantra,  we’ve talked sexuality, we’ve talked the whole gamut. It’s all, but the thing is, is that all of those things, and you’re, you’re, the depth of your knowledge, the breadth of your knowledge, in terms of being able to help, You can meet somebody wherever they’re at. 

I, I know that you can meet somebody wherever that and help them profoundly.  Thank you. That was I hope you do. I hope you continue to and I will. I sincere hope I it is. It is my sincere desire as well. So I’m really excited to keep moving forward and doing more stuff like that. You and I’ve done together.

 How fun was that!

Oh, if your mind was blown and you want to experience the same thing, then I want you to just drop me a DM in Instagram, head over to Instagram. Find me. I think I’m Audra Jean Baker. And, , just drop me a DM and say, I am interested or I am ready. And, and we’ll just start a conversation.

We’ll start an easy conversation. And we’ll find out if coaching is right for you cause it’s not right for everybody in every moment of the time, but when you really are ready when you are like, this is it, I’m so ready to be on the other side of this in the most meaningful way then, , I think that when the student is ready, the teacher appears so head on over to Instagram, drop me a DM. 

I am ready. And let’s start a little conversation and we will move forward from there. I hope you guys have an epic, epic rest of your day week, and we’ll see you next time.

• Hello Body Freedom
• Institute for the Psychology of Eating
• Path to Food & Body Freedom Challenge