Do what you say you’re going to do: Here’s a powerful approach

Full Episode Transcript:

Do what you say you’re going to do: Here’s a powerful approach

Hey! This week for the Hello Body Freedom podcast, we have a special episode. This episode was in January. So this was the very beginning of my own personal quantum leap year and like my health and wellness. There’s so much more to that story that we’ll get into in later episodes.

But I had a client we were doing a group coaching call and she came to the table just really struggling to do what she says she’s going to do. Really knowing that this is the thing I need to do, but I’m really struggling with this. And we do a lot of work in Hello Body Freedom with working with the deeper reasons why we get blocked, right?

So there is no self-sabotage. There’s only parts of us that are just trying to keep us safe, right? Trying to keep us safe and alive. And those parts know that we’re safe and alive right here, right now. Even if, we’re on medication, even if we’re diabetic, even if we have a hundred pounds to lose, these parts of our brains just want to keep you exactly where you’re at, because you’re safe and alive right now.

And so we don’t want to make those parts wrong.  And we have a lot of ways and processes that we work with those parts inside of HelloBodyFreedom with our clients.  But this was not that. This was really a mindset shift and an action shift that, Sometimes we all just need to hear. And, at the end of this coaching session, I can’t tell you how many of our HelloBodyFreedom clients reached out to me personally and left messages or Oh my God, Audra, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

And so I thought it would be really cool to let you in on the inside of a group coaching call. So it’s not a one-on-one call but it just the real power of sometimes needing to just hear what we need to hear sometimes, even when it’s not easy. I guess the point is it’ll land for those of you who are noticing that are saying you’re going to do something, but you’re struggling getting it going.

It might land as truth of these actions that we need to be taking and how we do it in a meaningful way. , it was a lot of fun and I thought it would just be fun to jump in and catch a little bit of what we do behind the scenes. So enjoy, have fun, and I’m really excited for you to check it out.

All right.

 So what all of us need to hear is that what you’re experiencing is called normal.  We have patterns of avoidance. We have patterns of not fully wanting to do the thing, even though the thing that’s sitting right in front of us is actually really good for us to do. So really just acknowledging that is how our nervous systems work.

Our primal brain, the part of our brain that wants to keep us safe and alive, that part of our brain has been conditioned over time to believe the thing that you’ve been doing for as long as you’ve been doing it. And let’s use dieting as an example. Always all or nothing, having this kind of relationship with food where you deprive yourself all the time.

Even like wherever you are with your health, let’s say I’m not at the weight I want, my health isn’t where it needs to be, whatever that might be. All that, your primal brain, the part of your nervous system, the stem of your nervous system, your autonomic nervous system, the only thing it knows is that right now you are safe and alive, even if you have 50 pounds to lose, even if you’re diabetic.

 Even if you cognitively know I need to do these things, I have an answer sitting in front of me. This part of your brain, it’s job is to keep you safe and alive.  And why does it do that? Cause it knows that up to this moment you have been safe and alive.

 That’s all it knows. Whatever the behaviors you’ve been doing up to this moment, this is what’s kept you safe and alive. This is why anytime we do  Anything to uplevel our lives. Anytime we go, I’m ready to do this new thing.  The motivation and the excitement at the beginning can get us going, but that primal brain is always doing something to keep us at the status quo to keep us not moving forward.

And one of the most powerful ways it does that is through avoidance,  and it’s not so evident.  It’s not so I can definitely tell I’m avoiding now. It can be that way, but a lot of times it’s just that, oh, we got busy. Or, oh, this other thing that’s going on. Or, oh, I’ve got this, I’m focused on this.

Or, oh, let me just pick up this book and do this, right?  It’s a way of getting in our own way. And I think that if we can see that, instead of thinking that there’s something wrong with us, and thinking that, oh, what’s my problem? Why can’t I figure this out?  I think when we can understand that the part of us that does this is a part that’s trying to keep us safe and alive by keeping us right where we’re at.

So therefore we don’t have to change, right? And when we can see that for what it is, I think it’s a really good starting point to come from a place of this is just how the human mind operates. It really is. It’s a way to keep us where we’re at, and when we can understand that, we can then know that when we decide to take action in the direction that we want to go, in the direction that is the right direction, we can fully be prepared. That we are absolutely going to find a million other things to create resistance or avoidance.

 It’s going to happen. And then, when you can understand that, at this part, at your smart brain’s level, right now, if you can understand, I’m going to move forward, it matters that I do this, I’m going to decide what matters, and I’m going to step up to the plate. And as soon as you make that decision, when you then know, That your primal brain is going to jump in and do everything it can to make it hard.

I want to give you a great example. I decided this year, I want to start getting stronger. I want to lift weights. I want to do some things. And I’m doing this thing where I’m going to these different places where they’re offering like a month. Have you guys heard of orange theory? It’s like some fitness thing,  but they have the first month of January.

It’s 24. I’m like, Done. But the only class I can go to is six 15 in the morning. And I don’t like to work out at six 15 in the morning. That’s not my jam. I know some of you are into it. It’s not my thing, but let me tell you the night before the part of me, I’m like, I’m going to do it.

I’m going to do it. I’m getting my clothes ready. I’m getting the water ready. I’m doing all the things that are done. There is a whole other part of me that’s “Are you really going to do this? Dude, that’s really early to wake up. Dude, you What if you stay up? I know what you do, Audra, when you have to do this thing in the early and you know you have to set your alarm, you’re gonna lay here and you’re gonna basically stay awake for two hours and you’re gonna have all the anxiety, and then you’re probably gonna wake up an hour before your alarm and then you’re gonna be exhausted.” 

I know myself so much. I know what my patterns are right now. So with that part of me that’s going on, and of course that’s exactly what happened. I totally did not get much sleep that night. And so I had to know that the thing, the other voice in my head that’s going, Ooh, stress. Ooh, that’s, that might be, Oh, Audra, it’s going to be so cold outside.

What if there’s ice on the road, right? Where you’re going to get in the car and drive at six o’clock in the morning before this. I mean everything you can think of, and if I am not aware of the shit going on in my head, if I am not hyper-aware of catching it, then I will believe my thoughts. I will go, yeah, I probably just shouldn’t do that.

That’s a good point.  And I think it’s normal, but it’s not normal. It is the part of  my brain that’s trying to keep me safe and alive because as far as my brain is concerned, it likes to wake up whenever it wants to wake up. And then it likes to lay in bed and pet my cat and pet my dog. And then I want to sit around and have a coffee or two.

And I’m just like, my higher self knows that is not going to be okay. I am not going to get where I need to go. By continuing to do that right now, full stop, period, that is that. I know it from the depths of my soul. And the reason I’m in so much pain and suffering right now is because I keep letting that part take charge.

And that part is the part that’s just attempting to keep me safe and alive. And the only way we as humans, up level, is to make a decision that I’m going to do this thing no matter what. I know I will avoid. I know I will deflect. I know my thoughts and brains will come up with these very conniving, sneaky ways of making me try to believe it’s true when in actuality, the only thing that I know is true is that I must do the thing I said I was going to do and I promise you it is only in those moments that we move into the stressor that we move into the thing that we are avoiding.

Okay, even and I’m sitting here using like sweat and pain and suffering at 615 in the morning.  That’s a big stressor for me, but it could be as little as making time to push play on a recording that you know you need to listen to. It could literally be to have to set 12 alarms. To pick up your phone and hit Voxer and go, Hey, I’m checking in like I said, I was going to do. Right? Because the part that is avoiding and deflected is real. It is real.

And until we get to that place of, I am not moving  I’m not going to do anything else. And if it takes me all day long and I miss my job and to me for me to watch a 10-minute video or for me to hit play and hit Voxer, then I’m not going to do anything else until I do that thing. Like sometimes that’s what it takes.   

We have to realize that when we are up-leveling our lives and up-leveling into who we know, we are meant to be evolving into this person that you are going to come across these inner obstacles. They exist. And, ultimately, when you take the action in the direction that you want to go, whenever you say, I’m gonna do the thing anyways, even if I’m tired, or even if I’m not in the mood, or even if I’m scared, or even if I can think of 12 other excuses to not do the thing when you show up in that way, it will feel stressful. 

Any level of change, Outside of what you’re already doing is going to feel stressful. You are going to have stress, but not all stress is bad, right? Now, survival mode, autonomic nervous system, sympathetic, fight and flight, chronic stress, that’s the shit that’s gonna kill you.  But the stressor of doing the thing that you know, I’m telling you, even if it means cooking broccoli when you’ve never cooked broccoli, but I’m telling you, when I try to cook a thing that I know is healthy for me, And I’ve never cooked it before.

I remember this, like my whole nervousness was like, this is going to be disgusting. Why am I even doing this? Whatever. Like it’s a stressor. Even that is a stressor. And then when you taste it and you go that’s not so bad.  You know what I mean? You get finished with a workout and you go, God damn, I feel good.

I’m so glad I did that. You finish hitting play and you go, look at me. I showed up. , I set my alarm three times and I showed up for the group coaching call, right? When you end up doing the thing, it can feel good, but it also, it’s still a stressor.  And what you have to learn how to do is normalize the thing that is good for you.

How do you normalize it? You normalize it by doing it over and over and over and over and over again. You override the crazy going on in the head, crazy.  It’s often not crazy. It’s often very subtle and it seems very like real. You have to override that.  You are also overriding the fact that it doesn’t feel right in the body yet.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t a normal thing for me to do to wake up at 6 15 to go work out. It’s really not. I’ve been teaching fitness for 20 years. That ain’t my hour to do it right. That doesn’t feel normal for me.  But the more that you do it, the more that you do the thing you say you’re going to do,  the more it just starts to become your way of doing things.

And now you’re building those neuronal patterns and now you’re building thought patterns around it. They’re like, Oh my God, look at me doing that. This is amazing. You’re stabilizing a new normal over time.  Now there are lots of ways to do it. The easiest ways to do it is to attach the thing that you’re trying to do to something you’re already doing.

I feed my animals every morning and after I’m done feeding them, I take them for a walk. I do this every morning and now I meditate as soon as I’m back. I’m like, I’ve learned how to habit stack.   There is no attaching a 615 workout for me.

There is no attach there’s nothing else I do but go to sleep. So having to wake up to an alarm. There’s no habit loop to that, right? So now I just wake up, I put on clothes, I do that thing. The goal is three times a week right now. And then,  once I’m done with that,  then I go do the things I always do, which is make myself a cup of coffee, go feed my animals.

Now as soon as I’m done feeding them, I take them for the walk because it’s such a habit I can’t even not do it. It was like 10 degrees. I’m like, look at me just bundling up, taking my poor animals for a walk, right? And then I sit my ass down and I meditate. It’s crazy. It’s like literally happening. I’m watching it happen because there are certain things that are normalizing.

Certain habits and behaviors start to normalize. And then the ones that are not quite there yet, like the 6 15, require earnest effort on my part to shut the part down that doesn’t want to do it. To shut the part down that feels real, making a lot of sense, lots of logic, why I should not get up and do it.

I have to shut that part down in order to do the thing.  That was a long explanation, but I really hope that helped anybody that needed to hear this, because all of us are going to get in our own way until we make strong decisions to stop getting in our own way, and then we create a system, structure, mindset, accountability, whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.  To get out of our own way to do the thing.   That was fabulous. That is, I really just connected with everything you said. And feel that’s exactly what’s going on. So I just want to do this in small steps. And decide, what are those things that I can be doing? What does my normal day look like?

What can I add on it to just a little bit?  Yes, that’s how to do it! the problem. That’s how to do it. It’s not all or nothing.   It’s going full-blown. Yeah, the all-or-nothing, the full-blown is what’s pulling me back and saying, ah.  Yep. And that’s also part of like toxic diet culture. This thing of I’m just going to clean out my entire fridge and change everything right now.

That doesn’t work, but habit-stacking. What I just shared with you, I just literally, there’s three habits. So the first habit that I started right when we moved into this house, and that’s another thing, when you have a big change in your life, anybody have big changes going on all other, like anything you did before is not what you do now.

Like we just moved and now my whole life is different. I’m like, how the hell do I figure this one out? I used to live in a high-rise apartment with a gym and certain things were easier. So feeding the animals and then taking them for a walk. I started that last year around spring, and I can’t not do it anymore. I literally can’t not do it. By this little walk I take every day without even thinking about it, I do it on the weekends, I do it every effing day,  I’m easily pushing between,  10 and 14, 000 steps a day. Just that one little thing. It’s not even hard anymore.

In fact, now I even do it at night, right? It’s so habit-stacked, I don’t even think about it. And so then, All last year, I’m like, how do I meditate, meditate that’s the one thing I want to get, we decide what’s the one thing, what’s the one thing, what’s the little thing. For me, it was meditation.

So then we did the meditation challenge for some of you that remember the meditation challenge. I think we did it in November. That was like my big push after all year long, trying and failing.  But then what I did is I went,

“I just have to remember when I’m done walking the dog, sit my ass down and do it. It’s 10 minutes, Audra, just do it.” And now I’m like, really? I don’t want to jinx myself because it’s still new-ish. I’m like three months in at this point, but I almost can’t not do it. I’m like, oh my God, here we go.

Habit stacking, right? Now let’s look at  6:15 in the morning, strength training, like working out that early for me. I’ve had an aversion my whole life, but it has been two years of my life. Two years of really desiring and trying and can’t figure it out. And how do I make it happen?

And so now I’m like,  I’m ready. And now does that mean I’m going to work out for six 15 ever? I don’t know. That would be interesting if that turned into a habit, I would be like tripping out, right? But right now there is only the decision that I made and the execution that I must do.  And that is that.

It is me being able to stop the thoughts and get in the way and make that happen. And this is the same with you, Janelle,  or anybody else, whatever you’re trying to move forward. So for you, Janelle, it is little.  It might just be pressing play once a day. It might just be, hitting that Voxer once a day because then that would get you the little baby steps that you can start.

It might because those are the things that will get you more in tune to hunger and enough. Those are the things that are going to keep untangling that diet culture out of your psyche. So that way you can really feel that ease with relationship with food where, comfort food is fine.

Yes, comfort food. No reason we can’t have comfort food. The problem with comfort food is when we deny it, and then we end up just binging and overeating it. That’s literally part of the problem.    Thank you. That was fabulous.  Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. All right. And then the last thing I want to add to that, cause if anybody else wants to share, you are more than welcome to unmute yourself, but I will say, I feel like I, I talked about something similar to this in a coaching call last year at some point.

And the only reason I remember that is because Rhonda, you had asked the question after I went on some big tangent, like just go do the thing you said you were going to do the thing you said you were going to do. And Rhonda’s “wait a second.” And I remember the question was, but what if for instance,  let’s use my exercise thing as an example, just because it’s fresh on my mind. 

What if I thought I was getting sick? Legitimately sore throat, and I had two or three days in a row where I only got five or six hours of sleep, right? And then I could feel this happening.  And then in that moment, am I going to go, no, do it no matter what, do it no matter what?  100 percent hell no, I would absolutely not, right?

It’s like we’re learning how to create these loving boundaries around ourselves. So in that instance, This is where I think when we get lost in toxic diet culture or toxic, all-or-nothing thinking, it can get really confusing because you’re listening to Audra sit here going, do the thing.

You say you’re going to do it. You must do it. You have to, right? Yes. We have to have that kind of energy as we are breaking the chains. Of our primal brain that’s just trying to keep us stuck and safe right where we stay, right? When we are ready to up-level our lives, it requires stress. It requires that level of energy and we want to have our own backs all the time, right?

If I spent four days in a row of five hours, six hours of sleep, which is not enough sleep for me, and I’m feeling depleted and now I can feel like I’m getting sick. Then I will make the decision to sit this day out. Let’s take it the next day. Let’s see if I, that is called self-care,  so finding that balance because sometimes self-care comes across as that voice or what you’re thinking of as self-care can be that voice that’s trying to trick you to just keep yourself stuck, right?

And this is where we have to go and we have to try things out,  we have to go, okay. And then if I get to the next day and I wake up and I go,  that was the wrong choice. I should have gone for that workout. I can totally tell now that was an excuse I was making for myself, or let’s say I go, F it.

I’m going to go through the workout. And then I ended up getting sick and I go, okay, lesson learned, right? I needed more sleep. I probably should have backed off. Now I learned. So anytime you think you have a failure, it’s not a failure, right? You are learning. You are, you’re getting it right. Or you are learning, you are getting it right, or you are learning.

And when you learn, it matters that you actually learn. And the learning in this particular situation is learning the ways in which we are either holding ourselves down by convincing ourselves to not do the thing that we said we were going to do, or we move forward and we do the thing right?

So we either get the thing that we want. Or we get it wrong, and then we learn from the experience. 

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• Institute for the Psychology of Eating
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