How many times have you done your Sunday grocery shopping with the “perfect” list of the “prefect” healthy foods ready to roll for Monday and the rest of the week?
Monday goes “perfectly”. Awesome job.
Tuesday goes “almost perfectly”….
…if it wasn’t for that handful of chips you grabbed in the break room.
You say to yourself at the end of the night, “That wasn’t the end of the world, but I gotta knock that sh*t off tomorrow. Focus and little will power for cry’in out loud, first name!”
Wednesday, is “way less than perfect”….
…financial stress is piling on. You say to yourself: “Lack of sleep is really catching up with me today. The kids are driving me crazy. I was so misunderstood by my boss in that meeting… how could she have seen it like that? Did my partner really say that to me? Those are fighting words!”
Tired, misunderstood, anxious, stressed. You drive by your favorite coffee shop-doughnut shop-bakery or even Whole Foods because you know they have that serve-yourself-cookie-bar.
In the car, with coffee and crumbs all around, you say, “f*k it”…. it’s out to eat tonight!
Then the rest of the week kinda goes like that….
Until Sunday, that is… when you’re ready to commit to “perfection” again.
Sound familiar?
This vicious cycle of “all or nothing”, “black and white” thinking creates a wedge of separateness in our lives.
I’m working with a very small group of women right now, and as we’ve started our work together, the excitement for the journey is so high that immediately they are worried they’ll fail. They think perfection is the answer, but…
Directly behind perfection is hatred and abuse.
When we strive for perfection with our food (or our body, or relationship, or bank account, or [insert your “thing” here], we have set ourselves up not only to fail, but also to beat ourselves up.
An internal dialogue of anger, disappointment, and hatred.
Outward actions of abusive over-exercise, or over eating and possible binge eating.
At the root of all of this is perfectionism.
It’s this “all or nothing” thinking—this inability to find the middle ground—that not only created this scenario, but it also colors all other aspects of your life, too. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
So what I share with this amazing group of women, I also share with you…
Learning to ease up, to be softer, to let go of this thinking is easier said than done. Sometimes, it’s just having the willingness to kind to our self and realize there is no such thing as perfection in the human condition.
From awareness brings the wisdom of choice.
Here’s what I’d like to know from you:
Where in your life do you notice “all or nothing”, “black and white” thinking? And in what ways have you been able to overcome this delusional thinking?
Please join our community and share over on the blog because we ALL can use each other’s wisdom to overcome this type of thinking.
This is how we BE THE CHANGE, YO. Every. Single. Day.
Love and Light,
Audra
Hi Audra,
I have been an all or nothing person my whole life (almost)! It’s taken me a long time to realize that perfectionism is harmful to myself and in my relationship with others. I now work very hard not to be that way. Are you familiar with the work of Brené Brown? I love her! She is a researcher/storyteller who has devoted her life to studying perfectionism and what drives it. She has some TED Talks on this that you can find on the internet. She also has some books, one of which is called “The Gifts of Imperfection— Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are”.
I suggest to anyone who struggles with this –or– has a feeling of scarcity, like: not thin enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not pretty enough, etc. to have a look at her TED talks and books.
Warmly,
Nancy