OK… I have a super important point to make, and I think you’re going to like it… but you’ll have to stick with me here.
Last week on my blog I shared some of my most vulnerable thoughts on my journey thus far (turning 40 can do that I guess)…
From proud life choices (hells YES to moving to Spain!) To deep sadness… (where’s my soul partner?)
This amount of vulnerability feels, well… VULNERABLE, but through this process I had an epiphany.
Sharing this way is the only way I can be authentically in right relationship with you, with myself, and with the world.
Which led to another epiphany.
There’s a ginormous transformation happening in my life right now that feels like the “elephant in the room” because I’m not addressing it or talking about it.
I’m not quite sure how to bring this to the table, but it encompasses intimate relationship, love and sex.
And when I think about the work I do with my clients:
releasing excess weight
feeling alive and energetic
regaining a healthy, and vibrant body
releasing obsessions around food
learning to love our bodies
ALL of the outcomes above are deeply affected by and intricately connected to:
our intimate relationships
our capacity to love and be loved
our sex live (both alone and in partnership)
our ability to unconditionally love ourselves
our ability to receive pleasure
our relationship to sex and sexuality
How many clients have I spoken to over the past 2 decades that bury their beautiful body under layers of extra fat because they fear their own sexual energy….
Or they don’t want to attract sexual attention because they don’t know what to do with such intense energy coming at them…
Or they just don’t want to feel so they shut down….
Or they fear intimacy (even with their partner) so carrying the extra weight is a way of not getting too close….
And all of this is reflected in how they show up for themselves and their intimate partnership.
Why am I telling you all this? (I swear I’m getting to the point… stay with me!)
Because this is the journey I’m on right now. And if I’m going to show up day-in-and-day-out as authentically as possible with you, then I CAN’T NOT share about this.
So here’s the deal…. I’m deep in the throws of studying intimate relationship, sexuality and love, and the inter-connectedness they have on our health, happiness, ability to love ourselves, and ultimately set our bodies free from excess weight and weird behaviors that keep us stuck and weighed down.
And of course… I’m my own guinea pig.
From a relationship perspective, I haven’t attracted my soul partner into my life (yet).
From a love perspective, who DOESN’T want to grow deeper in their ability to give and receive love on all levels?
And from a sex perspective, who DOESN’T want to grow here and experience better, deeper, more connected, conscious, mind-blowing sex?
While I (finally) have such freedom and peace when it comes to being happy in my own skin, loving my body, and have released excess weight and the weird+obsessive shit I used to do around food, I see the depths of which loving your body and releasing weight are intertwined with your levels of intimacy, love, and your relationship to sex and your own sexuality.
As I go through this intimate journey, I’m going to be sharing my own personal stories and insights of the healing powers of love, sex, loving my self, attracting my partner, and seeing how this all ties into my ability to love myself, love my body, and use this work to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Bottom line? I imagine it’s going to be pretty juicy. So if you’re interested in following along this journey with me, you can do that here.
Follow my journey as I dig deep into the healing powers of sex, love, and intimate relationship. Are you ready for the ride? I know I am. 🙂
As much as I hate to admit it, turning 40 was tough. Every year I celebrate by turning the whole month of July into #Audrika, cutting down my workload and increasing my fun factor. My 38th (here and here) was a very typical example of how I’ve embraced celebrating my birthdays.
But I wonder… 40… is this a mid-life crises?
An article in the Huffington post says men might experience it between 45-60 while women might feel it in their late 30’s. Questions they pondered:
‘Is this all there is?’ …. ‘why am I doing this?’ …. ‘what about what I need’ …. ‘who am I anymore?’ …. ‘what is the real point of me?’ …. ‘why put my life off any longer?’
My life, when I look back on it, has been one giant juicy adventure. A true blessing in regards to following my heart, carving my own path, and not falling prey to my society’s ideas of success or to the status quo.
I’ve built a life on experiencing amazing things, like racing my mountain bike down hill, dancing salsa at the semi-pro level, epic trips around the world for months at a time, moving to Spain, learning a new language, building two businesses.
The point I’m trying to make here is that when I see my life for what it is and what it has been, I step back and think it must be dream…. who gets to live like this?!? My cup definitely over-floweth… : )
And I even had some serious fun for my 40th. Besides getting to spend some awesome-sauce quality time with my family over the past 5 weeks,
I also learned how to ride motorcycles!
I spent a weekend on a freaking amazing ranch in East Texas, riding horses, herding cattle, and learning how to rope and shoot a gun! (yes I know.… sooooo Texas!)
And two of my BFF sisters flew into Dallas and surprised me with a weekend at the Ritz!
Seriously… how blessed am I?
But the night before my actual birthday, I kinda lost my shit. I felt deep waves of sadness roll through my body and from there the tears wouldn’t stop.
I saw all the big mistakes I’ve made in my life and recognized their life altering consequences. I saw the directions I took with certain friendships and career moves that I would never have made today. I cried for all of my shortcomings inside of intimate relationship that I wish I could go back and change. And I cried deeply for not being a mom and seeing how my ambiguity in my 20’s and 30’s perpetuated my reality today.
All in all, as much as I love to be happy and upbeat—and truth be told my natural state is light and joyful—life comes in so many different emotional colors and spectrums.
So when I realized the depth of my sadness, I just let it flow.
We live in a culture that encourages happiness is the only way, and discourages us to feel or express sadness, anger, rage, disappointment, etc.
And I know this because no other culture prescribes and consumes anti-depressants the way we do despite overwhelming evidence exercise and other non-pharmaceutical therapies work better.
I wonder what would happen if we as a culture had more emotional intelligence, were able to feel our feelings at a deeper level, and held the capacity to experience a broader range of emotions without being embarrassed.
The thing is, most of us aren’t taught these skills. We learn dysfunctional emotional patterns from our family which perpetuate a legacy of closing off, shutting down, and shielding our hearts.
But here’s the kicker… when you actually allow yourself to go there… to experience the depth of what you’re experiencing, to get real with the pain you’re feeling and let it course through your body….
You don’t reach for a drink
You don’t reach for food
You don’t reach for sex
You don’t reach for your wallet
Instead you sit there to experience the full depth of what you’re feeling.
- You cry like a mo’fo.
- You journal
- You talk it out with your BFF’s
- You talk it out with your therapist
- You listen to Nina Simone or Beyonce’s Lemonade
- You exercise
- You go to yoga
- You meditate
- You take bubble baths
- You love all over your little poop-face puppy
You just let yourself sit in the experience for as long as it wants to stick around, and then out of nowhere, something inside lightens up.
The act of surrendering fully to the sadness that’s real and true in that moment becomes the elixir itself. It’s so fucking paradoxical.
The real precursor to dis-ease and dysfunction is NOT allowing yourself to feel what needs to be felt.
So my birthday wish for you, while it might sound a bit morbid and definitely NOT very sexy, is to have the courage to feel your feelings, get real, fall apart, and maybe even lose your shit. 🙂
To really, truly, and authentically feel your feelings. Even the shitty ones.
Especially the shitty ones.
Here’s to the next 2/3 of my life! (See what I mean? Damn cup is always half full!)
I’d love to know two things:
1. What do you do to fully experience the more difficult emotions?
2. What’s your favorite way to celebrate your birthday?
I gave a nutrition crash course lecture last week up in Vallejo, and I brought up a toxic belief that almost ALL of my clients have:
Once I weigh (insert your dream weight here), then I’ll start (insert how you think you’ll be different here).
Once I lose 20 pounds, then I’ll:
- Go shopping for cute clothes
- Start dating
- Feel comfortable in my own skin
- Be more social and go out with friends
- Feel sexy enough to have sex
- Go to the beach
- Be more active
- Go to a pool party
- Feel worthy of someone’s love
During the talk, I showed them that by waiting to live their life until they lost the weight, they were essentially choosing to stay stuck in the same life, no matte what their size.
The thing is… I’ve been in the fitness and nutrition industries for my entire adult life (that would be 20 years in case you were wondering : )
….. and I have watched countless people get super motivated, grin and bear it through a ridiculous diet and torturous exercise regime… and yes, I watched them lose the weight.
Congrats to them. (and congrats to you if you’ve done this, too.)
BUT…. (and I’m talking about BIG BUT here…heh…heh 😉
At some point, maybe a month later or a year later, if they hadn’t done the real inner work—the emotional and psychological work— the weight just crept right back on.
And the quicker they lost it, the quicker it came back on with a few extra pounds to boot)
They didn’t realize that a true shift in size required a shift in their mind.
How do you do this?
It starts in the present moment.
You have to do this work right now DESPITE your size, or how happy or unhappy you are with your body.
You must begin now.
Question: What do you think you’ll do or have once you weigh a certain number? (See list above)
Answer: Start doing those things NOW!
Go shopping for clothes that fit you perfectly and make you feel beautiful… RIGHT NOW.
Invited to a party? Go! The excitement and connection in community will fill you up.
Holding back with your partner? Hold back no more.
Think you’ll be more active once the weight’s off? Not true.
Start today to do the things you think you’ll do once you have your perfect body.
The irony is the more you live the life you dream of, the more metabolic power you give your body.
It’s an upward spiraling circle that will first give you the life you want, and from this the body you dream of emerges.
Now, I really want to hear from you. What are you going to do THIS WEEK that you’ve been putting off because you’re not happy with your size or body? Make sure to share below in the comments section!
I already wrote down what I’m going to do this week (in case you were curious), so head over and join in the community… let your voice be heard.
Love and light,
PS… This is how to BE the change, yo. Every. Single. Day. Let me know how you’re going to BE the change here. : )
Happy Monday folks!
I hope you had a great holiday weekend and that it was filled with friends, family, play, and pleasure.
Usually accompanying the fun weekend are fun foods that can turn into cravings. Before you know it, it’s been 4th of July weekend the entire month of July!
Here are three quick tips to get you back on track if you’re experiencing cravings.
1. eat more protein.
Usually cravings happen because of blood sugar dysregulation after a weekend of eating sweet, sugary things. If you notice a craving pop up for something sweet, curb it with some protein.
2. eat actual meals.
Cravings tend to have us snacking all day instead of eating an actual meal. Try to regulate your system using this tried and true mind-body nutrition strategy: eat with your natural rhythm. This means simply, eat breakfast, eat lunch, eat dinner. Make sure your meals have protein, fat, and carbs (in that order) to stabilize blood sugar and help you feel satiated.
3. If you really need something sweet, go for an apple.
Apples are not only sweet, they’re packed with fiber and pectin, which can keep you full for a few hours. Also, this is a great way to wean off of any processed food you’ve been eating and calm that craving with a whole food. The more often you do this, the softer your cravings will come and the easier they’ll be satisfied with an apple (instead of a box of Oreos!) : )
You probably know I’m a huge proponent of ditching diets and living your life, which is one of the beautiful parts of holidays and celebrations. So don’t get caught up in the self-berating because you had some fun this weekend.
But also don’t get caught up in month-long food-fest because you partied hard this weekend. It’s that exact “black and white… all or nothing” mentality that keep us stuck losing the same 20 pounds 20 times.
Finding middle ground through compassion toward yourself and your situation is the way not only to sustainable weight loss, but also to living in a body you love.
This is how to BE the change. Every. Single. Day.
Love and Light,
In the comments section below… share with all of us:
What works for YOU to help stop cravings?
If only 10% of the worlds population omitted to greater consciousness, to knowing themselves in a deeper way…. there would be a massive decrease in suffering.
BE THE CHANGE.
Before we see less suffering on the planet, we first need to BE THE CHANGE we are seeking.
As we do our inner work, we become more compassionate toward ourselves…. this is AND WILL ALWAYS BE… the 1st step.
Step 1: Learn compassion by offering to yourself, so that you’re own suffering decreases first.
It’s a HUGE step that requires constant effort + focus + time + attention.
Becoming more compassionate toward yourself is a blend of forgiving yourself, having empathy and compassion FOR yourself, AND committing to self-care.
Compassion toward yourself = forgive yourself + self-care (over and over again.)
Continuing the process over time deepens the healing you receive for yourself and your capacity to offer this healing out to world.
This is how to BE THE CHANGE.
Join me as I embark upon this journey in the day-to-day realities we all live in.
Learning to see the little (or big) addictions that keep us pegged into the same unhelpful habits over and over again, and then overcoming these together.
Share with me below in the comments section:
What does “Be The Change” mean to you? How can you practice it in your day-to-day life?